How to deal with heartbreak

Heartbreak is a terrible heart-wrenching experience. When you see the man you love tell oh-so-blatantly “it’s over. I can’t do this anymore!” just two weeks or months to the wedding (or no wedding) and watch him walk majestically out of your life, then you know what heartbreak is. Your world is completely

and utterly shattered. You begin asking yourself things like “how am I expected to live without him?” “How am I going to face everybody?” “What do I tell people and what will they think?” and “what, exactly, is the purpose was of getting out of bed ever again?”

If you should experience heartbreak, how should you deal with it? I spoke to a young lady named Aby* and she said she deals with heartbreak thus:

Get broken up with.  Cry so much that you’re literally positive it’s never going to end.  Call your mom.  Question the purpose of life and every single thing you’ve ever done.  Call anyone who will listen to you sob hysterically for 45 minutes without even attempting to form a sentence.

Feel embarrassed for being such a disaster case.  Call your mom again.  And again.  Then your friends. Be insanely jealous when you see other people in ‘unbroken’ relationships. Have a nervous breakdown and consider admitting yourself to the local hospital for some sort of tranquilizer/coma inducer.

Realize they probably don’t induce coma on demand.  Decide instead to fly across the country and spend the weekend with your mom.  Cry more.  Obsess.  Email him and suggest being friends.  Cry when he says it’s too soon.  Cry more.  Stare angrily at people who tell you that “everyone goes through this.”  Attempt to cut people who go so far as to suggest that “whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”(For goodness’ sakes did they understand what you are going through!)  Cry more.

Eat way too much for a while(yeah forget to watch your weight and bulldoze chocolates, ice creams. He ain’t around to admire your figure no more).  Eat way too little to compensate (he might want you back again).  Cry.  Sleep a lot.  Whine to everyone who will listen about how you’re positive he’s over you and also positive that you’ll never get over him.  Ever.  Throw things at their face when they insist that you’re wrong.

Hook up with inappropriate men.  Cry.  Repeat.  Think about him when you first wake up and then think about him all day and then again before you go to sleep.  Berate yourself for thinking about him so much.  Miss anything important and mundane (like work, school, gym for goodness sakes you just had a freaking heartbreak.)  Cry.

Agree to be friends with him because he’s ready.  Flirt.  Fly out to visit him without telling anyone, knowing that you couldn’t find a single person who would think it’s a good idea.  Sleep with him.  Tell yourself that you’re “totally fine being friends with benefits.”  Feel happy again.  Somehow manage to convince yourself that sleeping with him regularly while you’re both home on break is a glorious idea.

Completely lose your senses at the airport when you realize that in fact, you’re NOT FINE and it’s NOT a glorious idea.  Finally decide to stop speaking to him until you’re ready, whatever that means.  Cut him out of your life.  Put a little pink star in your planner for every day that you don’t talk to him. Feel insanely proud when you get to three stars.  Cry.  Attempt to move on with your life.

Get to 10 stars.  Cry, but less frequently.  Get to 20 stars. Realize he’s not always the first thing you think about in the morning.  Stop crying.  Get to 30 stars.  Literally throw yourself a party. Continue with the stars and the daily managing of the pain.

Realize that your mom might not have been a complete and total crack addict when she said that time was the only thing that could heal you.

So while Aby’s way of dealing with her heartbreak might seem extreme to you, it’s similar to what most people nursing broken hearts do. Here’s what I would advice:

Get rid of such objects that remind you of the person who broke your heart. Return, sell, burn, or throw them away. Get rid of photos, letters, emails, and other such items.

Avoid that person if possible. Try to minimize meetings with your former love.

Recognize the reasons why you feel bad, think of ways in which some of these reasons can be eliminated or avoided.

Remember why the romance ended. The relationship ended because you deserve better.

Remember there will be better days ahead.

Spend more time with your friends and family.

If you do not workout or exercise, start doing that, as it helps reduce stress and depression. Exercise will help improve your body and self image. Or you could find a project that would keep you busy and take your mind off ‘him’

Start a new hobby or pastime. The pleasure of accomplishing something will counter act to the feelings of sadness.

Find activities to do that make you happy. Stay away from sad movies and the like.

Listen to music that gets adrenaline rushing, do not listen to slow, sad or romantic songs.

Meet new people, you might find someone who will heal your heart.

Heartbreak isn’t an easy experience. Someone I spoke to called it a painful experience, whilst another thought it was traumatizing. But the truth is that only time heals even the most devastating heartbreaks. To ensure you heal in the shortest possible time, you should do the following:

Do not lock up your emotions. Let them flow out. Cry. Scream at your dog. Pull your hair. Just don’t inflict more pain on your poor body. This way you release the tension and stress of being broken up with.

Get involved in group activities, community projects, the church choir. In fact get involved in anything that keeps you busy and allows you have a sense of fulfillment

Talk to someone. You need to. Bottling up all that pain doesn’t make you strong, it only weakens and demoralizes you. You don’t necessarily have to listen to their advice but you need to release all that steam and be soothed in the process.

Avoid being alone as much as you can

Indulge yourself. Yep, you can eat all that chocolate, ice cream, mouth-watering pastries. Go on a shopping spree and get yourself that expensive Gucci gown if it’s your fancy. But don’t overdo the indulgence.

Delete every single photo or evidence of him. It might be difficult because it will finally dawn on you that it is over but once you do it, the healing process is much faster.

Don’t rush into a new relationship. You need some time to get rid of the old baggage if you really want a future relationship that will last.

And remember, you are a special woman. That guy who broke your heart just isn’t worthy of you. The real deal is on his way, but needs a vacant space that’s why you had a break-up.

Recently went through heartbreak? Let us know your story and how you dealt with it. Not yet dealt with it? Let’s help you do so. Email us at inspiredtosuccess@gmail.com.

*Not real names.