First come heart-racing, feels-right love , then the perfect, what-wishes-are-made-of wedding and then marriage. Yeah your handsome, dashing, tall, blue-eyed, rosy-lipped, bronze-skinned man still looks the same but a few months in and you aint feeling so lovey-dowey anymore. Instead you both are facing tough financial issues like: how to spend money, who decides what to spend it on, and who has better claim on the money.
Your love starts
feeling even more sore if you find yourself in any of the following situations:
you are a complete housewife and depend on your husband’s salary totally for
everything from food, beauty care to your mother’s allowance; your husband just
got sacked and you earn peanuts, you both work but you earn like three times
his salary.
These are delicate situations and need to be
handled properly. Aso, when times get tight, financial troubles can have a
devastating effect on marriages. According to John Phillips, executive director
of Evansville nonprofit Community Marriage Builders. "Finances are
certainly one of the top five, if not top three, problems that marriage
faces,"
To
ensure your marriage doesn’t end up in the divorce waste-bin, Miranda Marquit , a
relationship adviser, advises the following steps should be taken:
1. Look for underlying
issues. Sometimes finances are only one part of the equation. Perhaps security
and control are problems. Many couples find that money is tight at some point
in their marriages. It is important to realize that this is a security issue as
much as a money issue. Rather than become irritated, recognize that fights over
money originate in other problems as well.
2. Realize the
contributions each partner makes to the home, and recognize his or her part in
the money decision making. Many women especially in African homes find themselves
browbeaten into silence in money matters because they may not work, or they may
have a part time job that earns less than the main breadwinner. This attitude
is poison to a marriage. It is important to realize that in a home, what
happens is very important, and whoever stays home has an important role, even
if society does not reward it with a paycheck. Recognize that your partner's
unique contributions to the family's overall wellbeing qualifies him or her
equal say in money decisions.
3. Understand that you
may have different money styles. Listen to your partner and understand where he
or she is coming from. Realize that part of your problem is how you may view
money differently. Talk about your finances openly, and talk about how you view
money and how it should be spent. And listen to your spouse. This is the
foundation for developing a financial plan that has a bit of you both.
4. Make some money
ground rules. After you make progress through the first three tips, it is time
to set some boundaries. Compromise is necessary. Neither of you will get
everything you want, but both of you will get some of what you want. It's what
marriage is about. Decide on rules like "if something costs more than
"x" amount, we have to consult before buying" and allotting an amount that is discrentionary for each person. This should be
an equal amount.
5. Set financial goals
together. Rather than viewing finances as something that you disagree on in
marriage, set goals to work toward. Working together to save for retirement or
for a new house, or even to save up for a fancy night out, will bring you
closer together over your finances.
6. Specially for
ladies: Respect your man no matter how low his salary is compared to yours. Men
crave respect and have highly sensitive egos. The fact that you earn more can
be an ego-bruiser for some and can affect negatively the way they treat their
women. As a woman, you need to be more understanding and submissive at this
point to assure him that his control in the household is not jeopardized by
your higher salary figure.
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